Key points
This case in 30 seconds
- Situation
- After the client separated from the other parent, they agreed only verbally to “see you at the weekend”, without saying which weekend or what time the handover would be.
- Approach
- We helped the client and the other parent discuss it, and wrote the handover days, times and place into a specific timetable in the separation agreement.
- Result
- After both signed, the children were handed over according to the timetable, and the days and times were no longer arranged at the last minute.
Three points for handling this well
- Make the handover days, times and place specific.
- Once the timetable is written, put it into the separation agreement.
- After both sign, follow the timetable for handovers, with no need to arrange them at the last minute.
Background
The client and the other parent are separated, and the children, who are under 18, live with the client.
At the start of the separation, they agreed only verbally to “see you at the weekend”, without saying which weekend or what time the handover would be.
They tried talking it over again themselves, but the handover days and times were never settled.
- Unsure how specific weekend access needs to be
- Worried that handover times will have to be renegotiated again and again
- Not sure whether a timetable can be written into a separation agreement
She had also searched online herself, but different websites said different things, and she was not sure whether to discuss the timetable first or go straight to signing an agreement.
She wanted the handover arrangements spelled out clearly before the two sides turned against each other.
When there is only a verbal arrangement, the first thing to do is to make the handover arrangements specific.
Why choose a specific timetable written into the separation agreement?
In this case a specific timetable was chosen because a verbal “see you at the weekend” is easily understood in different ways: which weekend, and what time the handover is.
Verbally agreeing “see you at the weekend”: where does it go wrong?
Saying only “see you at the weekend”, or writing only “reasonable access”, does not say which weekend or what time the handover is.
Once you live apart, handover days and times are the easiest things to argue about.
The agreement can state who the children live with; how access and handovers work on weekdays, weekends and holidays; and who makes major decisions, such as on schooling and medical care.
What should a specific timetable set out?
| Only “reasonable access” | Written as a specific timetable | |
|---|---|---|
| Who the children live with | Not stated | Writing it into the agreement |
| Access and handovers | Only “reasonable access” | Specific arrangements for weekdays, weekends and holidays |
| Common result | Handover days and times are the easiest things to argue about | Follow it once signed |
| Major decisions | Not made clear | Who decides on schooling, medical care and so on |
The more specific the timetable, the less the two sides have to arrange at the last minute.
What does writing it into the separation agreement do?
Arrangements for the children’s care and access can be agreed between the two sides and written into the separation agreement.
If you cannot agree, you can apply to the court, which decides in the best interests of the children.
For details of the care and access arrangements in this case, see ‘Separation agreement’.
Once the problem is pinned down and a specific timetable is set, what remains is putting each stage into practice.
How we helped
From the first consultation to both sides signing, the same dedicated consultant follows your case. We help in three stages.
-
Organising the current arrangement
From the first consultation
At the first consultation, the dedicated consultant finds out about the access arrangement currently agreed verbally.
We help the client first sort out the usual handover days and times, and where the two sides disagree.
Setting down how things currently work is the first step to writing a schedule.
-
Discussing and setting the timetable
Once everything is in order
We help the client discuss with the other parent and make the handover days, times and place specific.
How long holidays are shared can be settled in the same discussion.
With days and times stated specifically, there is no need to arrange handovers at the last minute.
-
Writing it into the agreement and signing
Once agreed
Once the two sides agree on the timetable, we help the client prepare the documents and write the timetable into the separation agreement.
After both sign, each keeps a copy.
After both sign, they follow it, and there is no need to arrange handover times at the last minute.
Throughout, the client could phone the dedicated consultant at any time, in Cantonese, Mandarin or English.
We explained every court letter first, and what needed following up.
We are a divorce consultancy. We help you organise information, prepare documents and understand the procedure. If your case needs legal advice or a representative in court, we will tell you honestly and help you make other arrangements.
Once the three stages are done, this is how the case turned out.
Outcome
At first they agreed only “see you at the weekend”. After one parent moved out, they kept arguing over which weekend and what time the handover was.
We wrote the access arrangements into a specific timetable, and after both signed, they followed it.
Because the handover days and times are written into the separation agreement, this time there was no need to rely on memory or last-minute arrangements.
For the children, the biggest difference is that handover days and times no longer change at short notice. With handovers following the timetable, daily life became settled again.
Throughout, the dedicated consultant helped the client word the timetable specifically and reminded the client to pay attention to the handover days and times.
If this is not set out clearly early on, the handover arrangements often have to be negotiated again and again.
The two sides now hand over according to the timetable, and the children’s lives have changed little, which was what mattered most to the client from the start.
How does the procedure change if your situation is different?
This approach was used because both sides could still discuss matters and sign an agreement. If your situation is different, the approach will change.
Divorce later on the ground of separation: In a similar situation, you may also want to see ‘the case of a spouse who does not agree to the divorce and an application on the ground of separation’.
Applying for a consent order later: If you later want to apply for a consent order (a court order based on what both sides have agreed), see ‘the case of turning a verbal arrangement into a timetable and applying for a consent order’.
The other parent does not follow the timetable: If the other parent does not follow the timetable, see ‘the case where access arrangements were not carried out as ordered and an application was made to enforce or change them’.
Three things you can do first in a similar situation
- Make the handover days, times and place specific.
- Also set out clearly who is responsible for major decisions, such as on schooling and medical care.
- Write it into the separation agreement, and follow it after both sign.
FAQ
Verbally agreeing “see you at the weekend”: what problems can it cause?
Once you live apart, handover days and times are the easiest things to argue about. If you only say “see you at the weekend”, nothing says which weekend or what time the handover is.
What does a specific timetable need to set out?
Who the children live with; how access and handovers work on weekdays, weekends and holidays; and who makes major decisions, such as on schooling and medical care.
Can the timetable be written into the separation agreement?
Yes. The two sides agree it and write it into the agreement.
Does signing a separation agreement mean agreeing to a divorce?
No.
During a separation you are still married. To end the marriage, you still have to apply to the court for a divorce.
When you divorce later, how will the court treat the agreement?
When you divorce later, the court will consider what the agreement says but is not bound by it, especially on arrangements for the children and maintenance.
What if you cannot reach agreement?
If you cannot agree, you can apply to the court, which decides in the best interests of the children.
Do you give legal advice or represent clients in court?
We are divorce consultants. We help you gather information, prepare documents and understand the procedure.
If your case needs legal advice or court representation, we will tell you honestly and help you make other arrangements.
Illustrative case: this page is adapted from similar cases we have handled. The people and details have been changed, and it is not a record of an identifiable client.
Every case is different, and the time taken and the result will vary. This page is general information only. It is not legal advice and is not a promise about your case.
