- An emotional affair is when, deep inside, another close relationship takes the place of the original partner.
- Its roots can be explored through four angles: outward attraction, inner attraction, seeking excitement and proving oneself.
- Staying constantly in touch with someone else, deliberately hiding the truth and never mentioning your partner can all be signs of an emotional affair.
- When you realise your partner may be having an emotional affair, the first thing is to stay calm.
Which is harder to accept, an emotional affair or a physical one? Some people believe that any kind of affair shows disrespect to the partner and is unacceptable.
This article explains in detail what an emotional affair is and the signs that your partner is having one.
What is an emotional affair, and is it harder to accept than a physical one?
An emotional affair is when, deep inside, another close relationship takes the place of the original partner, which weakens the emotional bond they had.
Much of the public and media talk about infidelity is not only about physical betrayal. More often it is about emotional affairs.
| Physical affair | Emotional affairs | |
|---|---|---|
| Nature | Driven more by physical needs; the definition is fairly clear | Shifts the care and attention once given to the partner onto someone else |
| What some people think | If no emotions are involved, it may be easier to accept | If it is only thoughts in the mind with no action, it may perhaps be understood |
| Damage to the relationship | May be just a moment of impulse | Does more damage than a physical affair, because it is harder to repair |
With recent celebrity affairs continuing to shock, more people are paying attention to emotional affairs.
Once your partner's heart has wandered off course, even without hard evidence, enough harm has already been done to the relationship.
To avoid further mistakes, the best remedy is to keep your distance from the new person or to be honest with your partner.
However, the signs of an emotional affair are easier for a partner to notice.
When someone's attention and affection are spread to others, the original partner may clearly feel neglected and lonely.
Infidelity usually carries negative feelings. When a steady relationship does not fully meet someone's needs, they may start looking for satisfaction elsewhere, which fails to solve the original problem.
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Not sure whether your partner is having an emotional affair?
Feel free to check your situation with us.
The roots of an emotional affair: four angles
The roots of an emotional affair can mainly be explored from four angles:
- Outward attraction: drawn by the other person's looks, figure or background, including power and status.
- Inner attraction: the other person has a quality you feel is missing in your current relationship, such as gentleness, confidence or rich life experience.
- Seeking excitement: some people become bored with the dullness of daily life and look for novelty or thrills.
- Proving oneself: some people stray to prove their charm or attractiveness. This includes people lacking in confidence, who may use it to confirm their own worth.
Understanding these four angles helps you grasp the causes of an emotional affair and find ways to solve the problem.
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Examples of signs of an emotional affair
These behaviours may suggest you are already having an emotional affair:
- Staying constantly in touch with someone else: whenever you have time you share your feelings with that person and tell them about everything, big or small. You always grip your phone, afraid your partner will see your messages.
- Deliberately hiding the truth: you want, even without realising it, to hide certain things, or you keep doing something even though your partner objects. This may show a guilty conscience.
- Never mentioning your partner: you avoid telling the person you are drawn to about your partner or marital status, which may show you are keeping a possible affair open.
- Your partner is no longer your first choice: whether it is a film, a new restaurant or planning a trip, you would rather go with the person you are drawn to than with your partner.
- Too much attention: you pay more attention to one person than to your other friends, and want to know them better or have more contact with them.
Please note
- If you are proud of your behaviour, you should have nothing to hide from your partner.
- If you find your partner has dropped down your list of priorities, this may be a clear sign of an emotional affair.
- Avoiding any mention of your partner or marital status may mean you are looking forward to something happening with the other person.
What to do if you find your partner is having an emotional affair
When you realise your partner may be having an emotional affair, the first thing is to stay calm.
If your partner is still within what you can tolerate and there is no physical affair, you may want to find a good moment to sit down and talk.
They may not realise they have crossed a line, or they may also be confused and not know how to handle an emotional affair, and may even fear it could lead to divorce.
Please note
- At this stage you need to stay calm, and your partner needs to be honest. Even if the truth is hard to accept, try to calm yourself.
- If honesty is met with anger and blame, then even if your partner knows they were wrong, they may choose to hide or play it down, which only deepens the divide between you.
If your boyfriend is having an emotional affair, the law places no obligation of responsibility or faithfulness on couples who are dating.
You can decide whether to continue the relationship based on how far his emotional affair goes and on your own values.
If your husband is having an emotional affair, you can sit down calmly and talk honestly. Should you forgive your husband for only an emotional affair? What if your wife is having one?
Once you have evidence of an emotional affair, the question becomes how the other person should respond, not only how you should handle it.
So before seeking advice, you can ask yourself whether you still love them:
- If you still love them, everything can be discussed.
- If the love has gone, you should leave with grace.
- If the love is gone and has turned to hatred, taking legal action may be a good choice.
Should you stay in the relationship?
If in doubt, feel free to contact our dedicated consultants.
When you are the one: self-awareness, self-analysis, self-choice
When you are the one having an emotional affair, you can go through a process of self-reflection, from recognising it to resolving it.
An emotional affair is a common but easily overlooked emotional state. Finding yourself in it, you may feel confused, frightened and guilty.
An emotional affair is not a sin. It is an emotional reaction.
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Self-awareness
The first step is to admit the situation exists, accept it openly and face the problem. Only when you recognise the problem can you assess and deal with it effectively.
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Self-analysis
Once you have recognised it, analyse it in depth. There may be many reasons, such as seeking new excitement, looking for something missing in the original relationship, or even proving yourself.
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Self-choice
Your choices can include ending things with your old partner or choosing to repair the relationship. Whichever path you take, make sure you do so with a full understanding of yourself.
If you cannot find the cause, do not know what to do, or dare not or do not want to tell your partner, you can seek counselling.
A counsellor can give professional opinions and advice in confidence, and help you find the real cause of the emotional affair.
Through self-awareness, self-analysis and self-choice, you can better understand and deal with your own emotional affair.
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How can you make your marriage happier and prevent divorce?
Unhappiness in a marriage is sometimes down to both sides. To make your marriage happier, you can try the following:
- Communicate more: keep open, honest communication with your partner, share your feelings, thoughts and needs, and look for ways to solve problems together.
- Support each other: support your partner in difficulty and congratulate them on their achievements, to build trust and closeness.
- Make good memories together: spend good times with your partner, for example by planning trips, joining activities or holding family gatherings.
- Keep respect and gratitude: respect the other's views and choices, show thanks for what they give, and protect each other's dignity and self-esteem.
- Keep a balanced pace of life: arrange work and life sensibly so that you both have enough time for each other.
- Build romance and closeness: go on dates regularly or create romantic moments, such as giving gifts, writing love letters or arranging a special dinner.
Seek professional help
- If you both find it hard to resolve your marriage problems, consider asking for help from a psychotherapist, a marriage counsellor or a legal professional.
Proper rest and relaxation are also important for looking after a marriage.
Things change, and so do people. If the person you married has become someone you can no longer live with, or you are facing domestic violence you feel unable to handle, Sun Mood Divorce Consultancy can help you change your situation.
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Can you no longer live with the person you love?
Get in touch, and a dedicated consultant will first understand your situation.
